Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
