the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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