so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
