remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
