Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
