she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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