i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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