i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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