fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the day after is always just damage control
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
