Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
