how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
