I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
