im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You ruined the universe
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
