I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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