dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
