your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
