Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Michael Bay diarrhea
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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