I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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