yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize