i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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