Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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