in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
