We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
