its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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