don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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