btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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