Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
