I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
