Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
