he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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