ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
