i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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