He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
