just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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