woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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