you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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