how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
