Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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