How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
