Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The air taste purple.
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