Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize