I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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