i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Randomize
