i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize