thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
