That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
