I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
