You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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