Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
