id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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