we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
