i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
