this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
