One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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