I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
