i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
