oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
