I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
