Michael Bay diarrhea
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
