I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize