i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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