who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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