he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
