Well apparently he's into motor boating.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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