I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
