So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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