moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I see more hoeing in ur future
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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