dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
